Men and women have the strangest effect on each other. It is overwhelming to truly feel how we are inherently meant to impact each other.
You start from where you think you have everything in control, you have a map, a plan, and you know what you want and where you want to go and 9 out of 10 times you will execute it to a T. Initially you feel good, you feel that you are so good at this game, you laugh at the people who warned you about it and then some day either you will get bored of it or something will happen which will heartbreakingly reveal to you that you've been fooling yourself with demo version of the real game.
When you are most naturally and instinctively with someone, everything that you learnt most essentially needs to be forgotten and you have to get used to the feeling of not knowing things. It will make you feel utterly vulnerable, it will humble you like nothing will, and it will scare you more than anything in the world. If you are lucky enough to cross the threshold of the left handed lovers and flings into something real, I cannot promise you a chunk of that rosy picture they call love, but I can promise that you will feel something so shockingly breathtakingly real that it will make you wonder, leave you amazed about the world and your existence.
It will be so disturbing to your consciousness that it will make you want to puke, cry, shout and scream and sometimes do all four in the same unbearable moment. But in moments where you stop grappling with it, trying to figure out what it is, trying to name it, trying to sustain it, trying to run away from it, trying to control it, in those moments and those moments alone, you will transcend to a place, where you will feel peace, your mind will slow down yet you will feel so alive, like something just set your brain on beautiful blue fire. A quiet implosion that reverberates in every fiber of your soul, your consciousness will take over. You will smile like a crazy person, ear to ear, laughing occasionally to relieve the muscles that are quite frankly exhausted of the smiling and you will tell yourself to please remember this forever and call it happiness.
What happens before and after is all relative to the two fools involved, (and yes we are all fools), but it changes us forever, for the better or worse, I do not know. All I know is that you can choose to feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have lived or marred by destiny, cursed to carry the weight of the pain and misery that comes with living. I still for one choose the former to the latter most days. Helps me cope, helps me get out of the bed in the morning. You can choose whatever you please, but please do get up, do live your life like a crazy adventure, do take risks, it was who you were meant to be.
Life has an infinite potential to surprise you.