Just another day.
Packaged in a body 5 feet 2 inches high.I live or attempt at something called life
Its one of those "not okay" days.
I love the supermarket.I like getting lost in the alleys looking for nothing and always finding something.
Picking up things randomly. Reading the back of products.
I like looking at people in the supermarket.Eyeing what they are buying, more importantly what they are touching yet not buying. The look on their faces when they put things back on the shelves and the look when they put things in their shopping cart.
Sometimes, I look at my friends faces when they watch TV.It is more amusing than watching TV.
I look at people while they wait. In waiting rooms and bus stations.People traveling in buses.People who walk past me on the street.
I see all of them.
I feel like talking to them.
To some I want to say,"Its okay...I think your beautiful", to some,"what are you waiting for??", to some,"You shouldn't let go of anything that makes you smile like that" to some," what's somebody like you doing in a place like this??" to everyone there is something...the thoughts, the words are not important...I just want to tell them...I SEE YOU..
From people shopping in the supermarket,to the guy who comes all alone to watch the movies, the guy who sells ice cream,to people who walk in the park I walk in sometimes...there are irresistibly interesting to me...
But I can't.Something chokes everything.Something has grown within me.It pulls me back.Mutes everything.
It stops me from talking to people.It stops me from making new friends.It stops me from telling people I love that I love them.It stops me from hugging people and asking people to hug me.
But it the same thing that keeps me sane.The same thing that keeps me from breaking down when I can't sleep at night.The same thing that holds me back from calling certain people I shouldn't call. The same thing that stops me from taking the first bus out f here and getting lost somewhere forever. The same thing that holds me from flipping out and considering harming myself.
I want to do tequila or pani puri shots right now, heaven would be pani puri with tequila as the pani...