It’s me living a postponed life which keeps getting even more postponed each day, busy doing nothing , tired from doing nothing, nobody broke my heart but I'm still so heartbroken, I try to simplify things but in the end land up complicating them even more, I try every way of being happy and land up being depressed even more, my brain is asleep and I can’t figure a way to wake it up.
Inside me trapped is this crowd of people, for one nothings good enough, for the other, there are no expectations from me anymore and is so sure that I am meant to fail, In between them is a voice that tells me every moment to get out, to run away, from everywhere, from everything, to quit, as nothing is worth it. There’s this person who hates guys and convinces me that the only way I can be happy and peaceful is by spending my life alone, and then there’s this person dying to fall in love and convincing me that love is the solution to all my problems. Sometimes, I wish I could get rid of this crowd but no matter where I go they are all within me and they never shut up.
Why I'm such an extreme person, why can’t I even consider the middle paths of the world. Why do I think so much about the stupid things in life? Why do I fear so much? Why don’t I think rationally? Why do I feel so intensely? Why can’t I ever stick to a plan? Why am I so repulsive towards discipline? What am I trying to prove by screwing my own life? Where did this anger come from and why does it only self destruct? Why can’t I grow up and stop writing stupid stuff like this??
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