If dolls could talk...and teddy bears could sing....

they'd tell you I wasn't always like this.....how easily I'd laugh and cry.....

they'd tell you I loved to talk...teach them stuff and tell them stories....

they'd tell you how patient I was....I'd put each one of them to sleep....

they'd tell you how I took care...patched them up...made clothes for them....brushed their hair

they'd tell you how worried I'd be when others played rough with them.....

they'd tell you I was never scared of the dark, the thunder,the spiders or the monsters.....just the teacher in school who would shout to bring me back from the day dreaming.....

If dolls could talk...and teddy bears could sing....

they'd tell tell you who I am.....not who I seem to be.

..in plastic and fur....recycled...or in the dust....

lie my purest kisses and caresses... tears for nothings..

 ...misgivings of a tender heart.

Waterproofing

And what I hate is that you still keep making your way back into my life.

Everyday feels good in the morning, and just when I'm almost thinking,”…See…your okay…it’s okay..you’re gonna be fine…”,something or the other happens or is doomed to happen.
It’s mostly just a word I hear or read.Sometimes just a sound…a split-second visual.
A person or something random on the t.v or the newspaper or someplace,somewhere I go or just something I eat or drink.
The triggers are always diverse ,casual and unanticipated but they always know how to do their job well.
Leaving me drenched in you.
And in that moment it seems as if time has conspired with the universe and is deliberately unsettling me,by hinting you,suggesting you explicitly yet barefacedly pretending to not know the repercussion it will have in my soul.
But then there are worse days…
Days when time oversteps the line.
Apathetically,in some sort of listless mood, it sends huge things at me.Things that are too obvious to shake off lightly as coincidences,signs that point to you directly, almost touching you and those are the moments in which I almost suffocate and run to the open spaces for air.

And I hold myself up,that its going to just a few more days like this,I'm not the only one,people get over things all the time.
"Be patient.
Memories will blur, realities will blunt.There are urgent matters at hand that need your attention."
And I get up everyday,with chafed skin and bruises from the drag I take every night.
Every time I fall during the day,I get up,I shake the dirt off of me,I wash the dried blood and start again.

Waterproofing every hole in my present so that my past cannot make its way back in.

Waterproofing.

Waiting

I am waiting
Waiting for the day when you walk down a busy street and all you can think about is me
Waiting for the day when you start missing me in a room filled with your favorite friends
Waiting for the day when you realize that all the girls you keep finding me in are not really me
Waiting for the day when you can’t focus on the work you love so much because of me
Waiting for the day when you start feeling me in the soft morning sunshine
Waiting for the day when you start feeling me in the wind that runs through your hair
Waiting for the day you start singing your favorite love song in your heart for me
Waiting for the day when you put talking to me on top of your list of important things to do

I am waiting
For you to see me
The way I see you.

I am waiting.

Regret

Even on my worst days
the only real regret i have in life,
is that i didn't hug you when i had the chance to

You see i had broken everything i had touched before
and i didn't want to break you.

They later told me,I broke you anyway.