18th November,2011

 Don't.
Just let me be here.I need to be here.
You know me.I won't cry.

I don't know who you had become all these years but I am pretty sure it was something more amazing than what I knew you to be.
It has been six years.I don't know the girl who made it to IIT D.I don't know the girl who studied there and got a job in Mumbai and was working in some premier software company.
I knew you from long before that.
You were my first best friend.
They say you were like my soother on my first day of kindergarten.I wouldn't stop crying and your Mom told my Mama to make me sit beside you and within minutes I was talking to you and waving happy goodbyes to our mothers.
We must have hung out together for almost five years.
I remember the little slide in th corner of the playground we used to play around.
I remember you always used to get a banana for lunch.You used to peal it all at once and then break it in pieces and eat it.
I don't remember what we talked and the games we played and the one reason I don't remember stuff is coz everything was so happy and smooth.I don't remember having even a slightest tiff with you
Then came the third form.You got an appendectomy done.You missed school.I missed you.And you called me from the hospital.And I was all chirpy and your voice sounded weak.I worried a lot about you.I'm sorry I didn't come to visit you.I never told you that but believe me it remains the first real regret of my life.Because of you I have tried to be the best friend I can be to all my friends thereafter.But you know what I never could find a best friend like you.
We drifted apart.Our sections wern't the same anymore.We had our separate runs in that beautiful school.
We fell in love with good books, good music,good movies and the mysteries of life separately.Most days I'd talk to you in the school bus in the morning.We were so inquisitive and curious then.We loved Harry Potter.You had a crush on Johnny Depp and his high cheek bones then.
March 2005, after the boards I gave a black small box with two nothings for your birthday.One was a moonstone heart locket and the other was a small wooden guy broken off a key chain.I gave you that coz those two were the most prized possessions of mine at that time and I had a feeling we would grow further apart like we did, so i wanted it to be most special, most rare.

I know you know it.You were amazing.
You were above the trivia.The real thing.
And now you've beaten us all to it.
You've flown.
They offer me details of the car accident but you know I don't want to know.I don't care.
They've all written on your fb wall, I don't like it.
I see in your profile picture.You seem to be flying in your orange graduation robe.Flying towards heaven.
That is what I want to remember.
I want to remember that you had a hell of a time in college.You had friends that loved you.You were in a beautiful relationship with some very lucky guy.You went to places and saw life...yes you were the pride of a small town...pride of everyone who knew you..but you know baby for me...all I wondered was about you..and it turns out you have done a beautiful job of your life and I am just so happy for that.

The kind of person I knew you were,I know you wouldn't mind leaving soon because that was just the kind of person you were.Above the grudging,above the complaining.

Of all the promises I didn't keep.Of all the times I avoided you.Of all the weird behavior.It wasn't about you and I am pretty sure you always knew that.

 I want you to know just two things.
I still love you from a four year old heart.Love that doesn't even know it is love yet.Love that knows no loss or complications.Love that is as simple as holding each others tiny hands for no reason.
I will take you in my heart.Wherever I go.As long as go.

Nunnu please know this.Please.Okay.

And meet all the fabulous people in heaven.I know you'll make the best of everything there too.The world is too shitty anyways hun' have fun watching us over and have a good laugh every time I screw my life,only you are allowed to do that.

I love you.