It’s a typical winter morning…white and cold…and I'm still in bed thinking of reasons good enough to get out of bed…I have been like this...wide awake...for more than two hours now….you could say I'm blessed that I have the time and the luxury to do this….to just lie dreaming and thinking about things in my cozy bed…but I know in my heart it isn’t…thoughts and dreams do not replace action…thinking about living a certain way and actually doing things are two separate heavenly bodies with the former being the natural satellite of the latter…like the earth and the moon…and no matter how beautiful living on the moon seems to me the truth is that there is no air to breathe there…I cannot live there…I belong to the earth and its time.

Its like when all the forces in my life that are at war with each other have got tired and forgetting their differences have all come together at the end of the day for a chat and a drink.They are all loose and emotional and they are revealing their darkest secrets to each other and while they rant I look on and smile , I see Time who is sitting right next to me…looking on and smiling too.

I like talking to Time….mainly because the guy knows about everything that’s going on in my life right down to the details…he never has an advice or opinion to offer but he’s a fair guy…I like talking to him. We talk about random stuff and after we’ve finished our drink I sigh and say what I'm not supposed to say to him, ”What happens next????”…he gives me smile and disappears…leaving me wishing that I hadn’t asked him that… I was having such a good time with him and now I miss him already.

While I sit alone I realize and wonder how much choice do we really have in life????
I cannot choose the people I love…believe me…it’s an illusion if you think you do.
I cannot choose the people who love me.
I cannot choose what I like or dislike…it is my nature…it is what it is…who I am.
I’ve lived in an illusion all my life that I have been choosing things…making conscious decisions but the truth is everything has actually been choosing me all the this while.
It is a little disturbing… yet it doesn’t make me feel powerless over my life…it strangely empowers me…calms me.

Life is not complicated….its just really curly right now……and its okay…it is actually beautiful … like my curly morning hair. As the day goes on maybe they’ll straighten out on their own…and even if they don’t…I don’t care…I like them this way anyway.