ME...Dissillusioned since 1989

And one day when you are sitting alone, you will realize how disillusioned you have been about everything…
And you feel lost, you will realize how alone you really are,
You will see how wrong you’ve been all the way long
You will feel cheated and violated…with no one else to blame but yourself,
You will see yourself, and how pathetic you are and how you keep making the same mistakes again and again…you will start seeing patterns in your own behavior and behavior of other people
The child in you stops buying the lies you tell her to keep her happy and amused
The woman in you gets tired of cleaning up the mess the girl in you keeps making
You will see the ugly truths of life naked and you won’t be able to look.
Nothing will console you or soothe you..
And you won’t be able to identify with who you are..
Someone else will stare back when you look in the mirror
And for a while you will lose who you are..coz you hate the person you’ve been and the things you’ve done
And so you try and lose the whole of you in hope of being something a little wiser and older…more at peace with the world and yourself..
and you wish yourself..
Happy birthday..

i love..

I love reading in bed…I love reading something written personally by someone,
Anything honest, anything original, anything true, anything human…will do beautifully for me.
From articles and blog posts of total strangers, lyrics of living and dead songwriters, novels known and unknown…this is the art I love the most.


I love talking on the phone with people about things which are not important…


I love the smell of coffee..

I love the touch of wood…and grass…and rock

I love watching trees change with seasons of the year

I love the mountains because they make me feel God


I love shoe prints on the sand…


I love the touch of peanut shells…

I love my curly morning hair…

I love midnight conversations…

I love watching birds..animals…and babies

I love reading classified and matrimonial ads that I have no concern to

I love drama..so I love watching movies and t.v sitcoms

I love cartoons.

I love looking in to the eyes of strangers on the road

I love looking at the sky , during the day or at night



I love snow, I hate the rain, I love sunny bright blue skies

I love rickshaw rides when the the sun is setting


I love chocolate cake and Chinese food

I love my glasses,especially the nerdy ones

I love good music,any genre,it just has to be good.

I love my blue denim jeans.

I love some people and hate them at the same time…but at the end of it all I love them more than I hate them..

post midnight thoughts

I dont know what time is it..the incorrect clock in the room reads 1.45am…my body clock says it must be around 3.00am…I cannot sleep..
I'm flushed and my feet are ice cold…I keep clutching my head coz it pulses with pain…the posterior side of the brain feels like tonne…iv run my fingers through my hair so many times that they are sorted out just as if I had brushed them…there’s a dog crying somewhere…
I'm not confused, I'm not angry…I'm in wonder…at myself.
I'm in wonder that how some things which were so complicated few hours ago seem so simple and clear to me now…I'm in wonder how can I be such a dumb and a sensible person at the same time…how come the person who makes the most unwise choices is the person who comes to the most prudent judgments and explanations…how can I be so scared and brave at the same time…how can I want something so badly and run away from it at the same time….how can I hate some people and love them at the same time….hw can I be such a contradiction….surely there has to be some mistake…

the simple reason

nobody has given me reason to fall in love..
nobody has driven me crazy beyond reason.
does that justify it all??

i see you

And when your having a bad day…your silence is my disturbance…I can feel you sinking even if I'm in the corner of the room…I can make out the forced smiles and I must tell you, you are very bad at faking it coz your eyes cant blink a lie to me…you probably know that coz you won’t look at me and right then all I want to do is pull you into my arms and tell you..’its okay’…but all I do is smile and make a joke, I know you won’t laugh at…the senselessness of it irritates you, angers you..nd th irritation gets your mind off your pain…and i become the excuse to vent out that anger…abuse me…I don’t care…as long as it sets the anger in your beautiful soul free….i don’t care….

Friends

and i will call you in the middle of the night during exams and tell you i want to run to someplace far off and become a hippie...and you will not laugh at me...

crying to laughing

And some days you will be too tired to sleep and you will silently cry for no reason and for all the reasons…and someone will call you right then and notice that you sound weird…and somehow they will understand everything without you telling them a thing…and they will say to you what you exactly need to hear..and you will feel okay…and you will bend down in prayer and thank God for that person in your life…and you will cry silently again…and then you’ll laugh at yourself and what a fool you are…and what a fool you’ll always be.