Routine

and you think the meaningless conversation
the casual hello's and goodbye's
the old jokes,the jargon,the gossip
the coffee you always hate and the food you never like
the smiles,the winks of the eye,the pat,the soft punches,the dragging by the pulling of the arm
the passionate grudges,crushes,hate,love,like,dislike
the phone calls about nothing and sms's about everything
the ever growing folder of photographs and the videos on your desktop
the sand that always gets into your feet
the grass that always wets your shoes in the morning
the door glass that you always check yourself out in while you enter the block

is routine....until it is there no more...and all what is left is responsibility and accountability...the uncertainty of the future makes you feel insecure and you feel the seriousness of life getting to you...and you are watching t.v and wondering about the people that used to be your life...but then everyone has moved on and so should you...
your routine has set you free but it still owns your time,a part of your life that you cannot have back...
so while your still there...make it worth while...your routine is the indelible ink you are writing your past with...write it well...more importantly make it beautiful.

woh bas ek palkon ke jhukne aur uthne ki kahani si thi

im going to get through.
dont know how...inspite of all.
i know i've been making the same mistakes yet again...the self destructive pattern repeats itself...but this time im not going to crash, im not going to let go.
im not going to let how i feel get in the way of what i deserve.
im going to get through.

she wore a baby pink dress and a tiara to go with it.
she was probably two or one and a half.
i couldn't stop looking at her.
She was there on the dance floor. She wasn't dancing.just moving with the music. Twisting in half circles,rocking to and fro where she stood, clapping her two little hands.
And i realized, with all the things that are so inconvenient,irritating and crappy about kids...there are these moments...moments that are so big that they make the disgusting stuff so small..her parents were probably having one of those moments...as for me i just couldn't stop looking at her and smiling like an idiot...and when i finally looked elsewhere it was all a blur and wetness at the corners of my eyes...and a voice in my head said,"seriously??",and before i could stop another one said right away, "yes,someday...if i am that blessed,yes."

Dear God,
Kill me or help me.