post midnight thoughts

I dont know what time is it..the incorrect clock in the room reads 1.45am…my body clock says it must be around 3.00am…I cannot sleep..
I'm flushed and my feet are ice cold…I keep clutching my head coz it pulses with pain…the posterior side of the brain feels like tonne…iv run my fingers through my hair so many times that they are sorted out just as if I had brushed them…there’s a dog crying somewhere…
I'm not confused, I'm not angry…I'm in wonder…at myself.
I'm in wonder that how some things which were so complicated few hours ago seem so simple and clear to me now…I'm in wonder how can I be such a dumb and a sensible person at the same time…how come the person who makes the most unwise choices is the person who comes to the most prudent judgments and explanations…how can I be so scared and brave at the same time…how can I want something so badly and run away from it at the same time….how can I hate some people and love them at the same time….hw can I be such a contradiction….surely there has to be some mistake…

the simple reason

nobody has given me reason to fall in love..
nobody has driven me crazy beyond reason.
does that justify it all??

i see you

And when your having a bad day…your silence is my disturbance…I can feel you sinking even if I'm in the corner of the room…I can make out the forced smiles and I must tell you, you are very bad at faking it coz your eyes cant blink a lie to me…you probably know that coz you won’t look at me and right then all I want to do is pull you into my arms and tell you..’its okay’…but all I do is smile and make a joke, I know you won’t laugh at…the senselessness of it irritates you, angers you..nd th irritation gets your mind off your pain…and i become the excuse to vent out that anger…abuse me…I don’t care…as long as it sets the anger in your beautiful soul free….i don’t care….

Friends

and i will call you in the middle of the night during exams and tell you i want to run to someplace far off and become a hippie...and you will not laugh at me...

crying to laughing

And some days you will be too tired to sleep and you will silently cry for no reason and for all the reasons…and someone will call you right then and notice that you sound weird…and somehow they will understand everything without you telling them a thing…and they will say to you what you exactly need to hear..and you will feel okay…and you will bend down in prayer and thank God for that person in your life…and you will cry silently again…and then you’ll laugh at yourself and what a fool you are…and what a fool you’ll always be.